Friday, December 2, 2011

    Ode to Literacy, 90s Style: Splice Splice Crazy

    If you get this, you must have been a teen in the 90s, and you're probably a bit of a nerd now. :)

    This is what I do when I want to write, but I can't focus on my current WIP.

    I wrote this one when I was teaching high school. I taught a lesson on comma splices that day, and apparently I just wasn't ready to let it go. They really are distracting, comma splices. Can you blame me?

    For all of my students who were BORN in the 90s, here's the video that inspired this song.
     
    To the tune of Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby:

    Splice Splice Crazy 

    No Harmony? Let’s ditch it!

    Splice Splice Crazy
    Splice Splice Crazy

    All right stop concentrate and listen
    Splice is back and this calls for convention
    Something like this splice is unsightly
    Disrupts like a buffoon—foolish and spritely
    Will it ever stop? Yo I don't know
    Before you rewrite, let it flow
    To the extreme that comma splice is a vandal
    Mucks up your prose, makes your ideas hard to handle
    Words broken up by the comma that looms
    It’s killing your grade like a poisonous mushroom
    Deadly when it lands where a stop should be
    Anything less than that stop is a felony
    Love it or leave it you better not hate
    You better hit that sentence stop as convention dictates
    If there is a problem, you know how I solve it?
    Check out Strunk & White, they’ll easily resolve it

    Splice Splice Crazy
    Splice Splice Crazy
    Splice Splice Crazy
    Splice Splice Crazy

    Now that the prose is jumping
    With the splices kicked out the ideas are pumpin’
    Quick to the point to the point no mistaking
    I write with concision nothing worth retaking
    Spurning words I can easily dispel
    I go crazy when I see a retell
    Or redundancy, with a souped up pen, yo
    I’m on a roll, time to write in my folio
    Writin’ till I reach that plateau
    All my ideas down my prose can no longer flow
    The notions on standby waiting for the pen to fly
    Did I just stop? Yes, it’s all gone awry
    Keep on pursing to the next stop
    I hit a wall and I’m facing mad writer’s block
    The block I dread
    Yo so I continued to move that pen til I pass right on through
    Inspiration was hot like a pile of linguine
    Ideas flying off me like speeding Lamborghinis
    Jealous ‘cause I’m here writing mine
    Lines to engage all my readers in short time
    Reading all the letters that I scrawl
    The fans acting ill cuz my words surprise like curve balls
    Loud shouts ring out like a bell
    I grab my prose and all I hear are yells
    Falling over my sentences real fast
    Jump in my world and slam on the gas
    Bumper to bumper the chapters are packed
    Try to get away but my words just attack
    You’re stuck in the scene you know what I mean
    Can’t pass it up confronted by the prose machine
    If there is a problem, you know how I solve it?
    Check out Strunk & White, they’ll easily resolve it

    Splice Splice Crazy
    Splice Splice Crazy
    Splice Splice Crazy
    Splice Splice Crazy

    - Lori Oster AKA Guerrilla Splice 


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